5th May 2007

When I’m King of America

We all have played the “if I was in charge of things” game. Well lately I’ve been thinking just what would I do if I became “king of the America” type stuff. It’s total fluff and not to be taken seriously, just messing around on a lovely Saturday afternoon.

  • We would change the term “death penalty” to “Very late term abortion”. Then for once the left and the right would agree on some type of abortion. The right could get behind that and the left would have to agree because anything called abortion has to be ok in their eyes.
  • People would have “asshole monitors” installed in all their cars. So when someone cuts you off while driving you could hit a button, marking them as an asshole driver. After a certain number of complaints your car won’t start and you have to wait a set number of days before you can drive again. This should seriously help more courteous driving.
  • Dead beat fathers would have to wear some sort of non-removable ID bracelet identifying them as such. I’m a single dad who has his son the majority of the time, so nothing pisses me off more then delinquent fathers.
  • Irresponsible mothers would go under the same type of bracelet as dead beat dads.
  • Everyone gets 1 day a year when they can beat the tar out of someone who pisses them off. It’s only one day a year, no carry over. This will force people to think before pissing someone off “have they used their day yet?”.
  • Crazy woman and lying irresponsible men need to be entered into a database. Entries gauged like social networking sites, people can add their opinions and the entrants have a chance to defend themselves, but this could cut down on “I had to break up with them when I found out they were crazy, liars etc.”
  • Every ladies department store will be required to have a “men’s club” that will be equipped with a TV, bar, and smoking lounge. Men will definitely go shopping with the ladies if this passes. For the ladies, all tool stores etc will have a ladies lounge.
  • All politicians will be required to go door to door in their district for 1 month a year asking the general populace how they are doing and what is needed from them. The visits will be preceeded by a general mailer shoing the politicans voting record on bills since the last visit. Areas to be visited are to be drawn by lottery and no 2 areas can be visited within the same term. Visits are to be done over the “summer break” for politicans so as to not interfere with the running of the government.
  • All politicians will be required to have a video crew follow them to every event with the resulting video posted on a site like You Tube etc. Their personal lives will be exempted from this.
  • Papparazzi who invade on the personal lives of hollywood stars or politicians are to be shot.
  • Journalists caught lying in their news articles are to be standing next to the papparazzi since they are no better.
  • Any parent of a child who commits an act of violence must bear the burden of the punishment. In fact, until a child reaches adulthood the parents take all the blame for what their children do. The children aren’t let of free though. They are required to spend time in community service doing the things that adults don’t want to. i.e. picking fruit, cleaning the neighborhood etc.
  • 4 year college is free for any student whom between the ages of 13 and 18 spends an average of 1000 hours a year in community service without being forced to by law. They are required to carry a 3.0 GPA and lose the scholarship with 2 semesters in a row below that average.
  • Teachers will get grade, evaluated, and raises based on their students ability to pass testing. These grades of the teachers are to be front page news mandated in every newspaper at the same time report cards come out. Teachers are to share in both the success and failure of their students.
  • Parent’s names of failing students are to be posted at the same time as failing teachers.
  • Jurors must pass a basic understanding test to show they actually understand what the hell they are doing as a juror. Same with voters.

This is all done in jest and for fun. I’d love to see what others would do if King! Feel free to leave it in comments or even send them to me at freedomofphiladelphia at gmail dot com.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, May 5th, 2007 at 3:05 pm and is filed under American Politics, Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

There are currently 3 responses to “When I’m King of America”

Why not let us know what you think by adding your own comment! Your opinion is as valid as anyone elses, so come on... let us know what you think.

  1. 1 On May 7th, 2007, Monica-Philadelphia said:

    I just want to know – will the ladies lounge have a bar and smoking area too? :-)

  2. 2 On May 7th, 2007, Logan said:

    Of course it will, equal rights and all.

  3. 3 On May 8th, 2007, Monica-Philadelphia said:

    Good! I’m so there. lol!

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