*We step away from our usual insightful and witty political programming to bring you some maudlin thoughts*
Well, in about 70 minutes Fathers Day will be upon us. For all the Dad’s out there I wish you a happy Fathers day. For me it’s a bitter sweet thing. I’m not a big fan of holiday’s in general, and well Father’s day ranks at or near the top of my dislike list. My mindset has gone full circle on it, I used to really like Fathers day, a day to show my Dad how much I thought of him, cared for him, and respected him. My relationship with my father has gotten estranged over the last 5 years and that has kind of put a damper on my feelings for it. What makes it harder is that no matter what I think of my Dad at the moment, I wouldn’t be the man I am if it wasn’t for him. The toughness he instilled into me, the sense of right and wrong, the understanding that Family comes first. Of course it seems that everything he taught me he’s forgotten in the last 5 years, but still I remember the lessons.
It also doesn’t help that my son and I have been going through a rough patch since my divorce started last year. See the kid blames me for the his mom walking out to go be “single, alone and free”. Yeah she’s the one who left and he blames me, why you ask? Well because I told him too. See it’s a Fathers job to protect his kid and I knew that he would need someone to blame. That if he didn’t have a focus he would blame himself as kids are known to do in divorces. So I gave him a focus, the largest most easily attainable focus he could have without hurting himself. Me. On another blog, far away from this one I wrote about how I needed to have “big shoulders” for him. That if someone had to carry the burden let it be me. It was after I wrote that post that I found this quote:
I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.-Freud
See that’s what I was thinking when I told him to blame Dad. That sometimes a father needs to protect his kids not only from the dangers of the outside world, but sometimes from themselves.
It’s been almost a year that it’s been just me and him. It’s been a year of some ups and downs in our relationship, found his “death list” while cleaning his room with him and I was #2 on it (of course the over achiever in me wondered why I wasn’t #1), his mom…no where on the list of course. Finding that list was a real downer, seeing his reaction to me finding it was kind of an up thing because I could see in his expression that it was just something he wrote in anger. When we talked about it he couldn’t remember when he wrote it, just that he as angry and that he wasn’t as mad at me anymore. That was a good thing in the grand scheme.
We’ve been to therapy etc, it’s helped but the relationship still has it’s issues, especially as he gets closer to being a teenager and as mom lets him do damn near anything he wants. Reminds me of another quote:
The father is always a Republican toward his son, and his mother’s always a democrat.-Robert Frost
What’s funny is that his mother really is a democrat in her leanings, and I am a conservative lol! I’m tough on him, not as tough as my dad was on me, but I’d like to think that it’s because I know when to lighten up where as my dad was still stuck in Marine mode most of my young life. I stand my ground with him when I need to and when it’s tough to do so I think of this:
One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.-George Herbert.
Though at times I know I need to just sit back and let him make his own mistakes. It’s tough, but that’s what a dad has to do at times. Every day it gets better with him and I. So there’s always hope. Enough maudlin thoughts. I’ll leave you with this poem I found about dad’s . Have a great Fathers Day all. For the single dad’s out there, much love and respect and remember to stay the course.
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What Is A Dad?
A dad is someone who
wants to catch you before you fall
but instead picks you up,
brushes you off,
and lets you try again.
A dad is someone who
wants to keep you from making mistakes
but instead lets you find your own way,
even though his heart breaks in silence
when you get hurt.
A dad is someone who
holds you when you cry,
scolds you when you break the rules,
shines with pride when you succeed,
and has faith in you even when you fail..